Suzie Sherman
(On location, from my car.) Hello, hello. Festering cesspool. Okay, so I’m sitting, I’m sitting in the parking lot of a well known natural food grocery chain, which under normal circumstances I don’t even like shopping at, because I don’t want to give money to their fucking awful parent company. But here I am. I’m in the parking lot of the well known natural foods chain. And I’ve just done my shopping for the week or whatever or for however long a duration I can go before returning to the godforsaken cesspool of the fucking grocery store, because I’m kind of freaking out right now. I’m sitting in my car, in the parking lot of this well known natural foods grocery chain. I’ve just got to keep breathing.

Suzie Sherman
Okay, so normally I well, even now, I feel extraordinarily lucky and privileged to be able to shop at this well known natural grocery chain. Um, I have the money to go grocery shopping. I even have the money to buy some organic foods when I can. Um, I live in the Bay Area where resources are plentiful. This is, though, the second shopping trip I’ve made in the last, maybe two and a half weeks, when the store has been out of eggs. And eggs are basically in my top three staples that I rely on. So I haven’t been able to buy eggs for the last two grocery trips. Pretty much I was able to buy everything else that I was looking for, for the most part. Shit, I didn’t even bother looking for toilet paper. But I’m gonna have to buy some at some point. Yeah.

Suzie Sherman
So we’re in the middle of some global and cultural madness around the pandemic. Yeah, uh, you know, I’m extraordinarily lucky and privileged. I have a job, I have gainful employment. I’ve even been able to go into my office because for the most part, the synagogue office has been empty. So I’ve been able to work alone. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be working from home. I’ve got a new VPN network set up, so that I can start doing my day job from home. Which, again, I’m super lucky to be able to do this and to continue to have work. In the Bay Area, we’ve been on a Shelter in Place Order, since I think it was March…it was the middle of March, so it’s only been a week that we’ve been in the shelter in place order, but I believe school got canceled a few days before that at my work. And then I also have been on my own voluntary hiatus from social interaction, except for housemates and my partner. So I retreated from any social plans about three weeks ago. So I had cancelled all my plans for the two weeks preceding our Shelter in Place Order in the Bay Area. So it’s been, you know, three, three and a half weeks of this. And it’s, it’s interesting. I mean, I like alone time, and I don’t feel too bad about missing out on social plans right now. I definitely miss seeing my family who live, I live in the East Bay and my family lives in the South Bay. And I’m presumably not going to be able to see them for several more weeks or even a few months. I, we don’t know how long this is going to last. So that’s distressing to me. I’m calming down a little bit now. But yeah, I have to say the most harrowing thing about the pandemic, for me so far is just going to the fucking grocery store.

Suzie Sherman
(Back in the studio.) Okay, so that was me panicking in a parking lot about COVID-19. I feel calmer now. But the emotions are in flux, for sure, and this situation isn’t nearly over. I’ve been at turns terrified, cranky, anxious to new levels, and maybe edging towards some depression now as the realities of this global health crisis set in. I can’t imagine business as usual right now at a podcast about how our lives can change on a dime. So I reached out to some of my community, some of our community here at the podcast, and I want to share some stories from folks that we can all relate to, find comfort and solidarity in, and just be in this thing together.

Suzie Sherman
This episode is dedicated to the way COVID-19 is changing our lives. And I also want to dedicate it to all of the workers out there who are holding the infrastructure and fabric of our society together right now, folks in health care who are risking their lives every day, folks who work at grocery stores who are also risking their lives to be there for us. And I mean, we could name a lot of different categories of workers, but folks who are keeping the infrastructure together, folks who are collecting garbage, people who are making sure that our lives can be any semblance of normal right now, and are out there often with a lack of protections, and a lack of privilege to be able to not work. So thank you for being out there for us. And thanks, everybody for being kind and taking care of each other. I’m gonna continue to share stories from folks out there over the next however many episodes I can. So keep recording your voice memos with some reflections about how you’re doing, and email them to me at nextthingpod@gmail.com. So first, I’m going to read some reflections that folks sent in, in in a text format. So I’ll do some readings from folks. And then we’re going to hear from folks who sent in recordings, so we’re going to hear some folks in their own voices. So that’s how this episode is going to go. Stay tuned.

Suzie Sherman
Rian in Seattle says “I was unemployed when it hit. Now I don’t know when that will change. I worry about the people I know who are immunocompromised.

Suzie Sherman
Sam from New Jersey says “Schools are closed, work is closed. We’re not going anywhere, or seeing anyone. When I went to buy food my son offered to go for me because ‘it will be easier if I get it, Mom.’ He believes it will be easier if he contracts COVID-19. He and his friends have taken to heart that people under 19 aren’t dying, but their families might.”

Suzie Sherman
I think we’re seeing evidence otherwise now, actually. That was me, making commentary.

Suzie Sherman
Molly from Berkeley says, “Losing so much. My son was just starting to get it together in school, and coming into his own, and school is canceled. My daughter, having finally busted out of our tiny house and into a college she’s thriving in his home in tears just now having said goodbye to all her friends, and waiting for the dam to burst at work.” (Because Molly is a nurse in the Bay Area in ICU.) “The patients are coming,” she says, “and we don’t have enough masks, and we’re being asked to clean off and pass goggles on to the next shift already. I can’t visit my mom because she’s in her 70s and I will be exposed at some point.”

Suzie Sherman
Rachel in Modesto is worried about the political implications of what’s going on. She says, “Honestly, what’s really keeping me up at night is the opportunity this provides for fascism to run rampant. Closing down places where people gather, particularly for education and art, is a fascist’s favorite tactic. I’m not saying that that’s why things are closing, that there isn’t a real biological reason to hunker down. However, we have an opportunistic, parasitic group of folks at the helm. I’m terrified about how this will be abused, particularly as we willingly close ourselves off from each other. Meyer, (my kid) asked me today if I thought they’d close polling places.”

Suzie Sherman
Kate from Boston says, “Because of my medical history, including diabetes and cancer, I am on lockdown at home. My work is with children with complex communication needs who are unable to speak, and they are all out of school. So today I started teaching four short classes online for those students. It helps me stay busy and making a teeny bit of income. It helps the families to have something to do and some structure. It helps the children I work with see friends and work on communication, literacy, and numeracy.”

Suzie Sherman
Jenn in Oakland says, “Well, I’m feeling super isolated, possibly tore my ACL/meniscus last Monday, and I’ve already been housebound for a week and a half since I just can’t physically do the three hour round trip commute. Before the shelter in place, I could at least Lyft to San Francisco once or twice a week for band rehearsal. Now, I can’t even do that. I’d kill to be shoed to go out for a walk right now.”

Suzie Sherman
Lyn in Berkeley says, “Like a number of other trauma survivors, this has been an unexpected period of calm for me. I had my panic over it weeks ago when no one cared. Now I just follow instructions and hope for the best. I spend time with my kid and in nature and it feels precious. I feel a little selfish in my calm, as well, as I know others are really suffering.

Suzie Sherman
Okay, so now we’re gonna hear from folks in their own voices. You’ll hear from Samaki, near Strasbourg in France, Linda in Campbell, California, Amanda in Graton, California, Gordon in San Francisco, Daria in Providence, Rhode Island, and Juniper in Portland, Oregon. Stay with us and at the end of this episode, I will give some shout outs and some resources.

Samaki
Hi, so I am in Schiltigheim, France, which is a bordering town to Strasbourg. And it’s Sunday, and I just came back from going for a walk and getting some exercise out in the plaza next to the mayor’s office, and you know, while I was out there I saw people walking their dogs, joggers, and there’s a boulangerie down the street and people were lined up outside waiting to get their bread. So, you know, the weather’s nice today, it feels a little bit like a normal Sunday, it’s just a little calmer. In order to go out, you have to have an attestation, which is a piece of paper, either you can write it out, or you can print it out, and it has to be signed and dated for the actual day. And there are five categories which indicate that you’re allowed to be outside. You can be going to work if you’re not allowed to telework. You can go to the pharmacy, or look after an ill relative, you can go to the grocery store, and then you can kind of take a short, you know, break outside to walk your dog or get a little bit of exercise, although there are limits of, I think the distance you’re allowed to go, and I’m not sure, but I think bikes aren’t allowed, but I’ve seen people on bikes, so who knows if that’s more in the bigger towns.

Samaki
For me, you know, currently I just try and have a bit of a routine, especially during the week when I’m working, sitting all day can be a bit much, so I try and get out and get some exercise in the morning and usually after work just to get some fresh air. And I’ve enjoyed not having to commute because I have a really long commute. So I’ve been profiting from you know, this time being at home doing projects that I normally don’t have time to do, you know, I’m enjoying, I’m enjoying it for the moment. It’s only the first week, but we’ll, we’ll check in later as we get into kind of the next week and a half or so of this period of confinement and talk to you soon.

Linda
Okay, I’m a bit too shaky for voice memo right now, but I’ll give this a shot. COVID-19 is creating heightened anxiety in my kids and myself. Ultimately wrecking (sic) havoc on the bond the four of us have. Just when we should be supporting each other, our text exchanges have turned into arguments and hurt feelings on all sides. Since my son and his husband moved out last summer, I’m home alone. No roommates, no kids, just me, my two cats and my hamster. To top it off, I’m in a new relationship. I enjoy every moment of his company. But the thought of sequestering myself from him, too, for that amount of time is pretty much gut wrenching. I am self quarantined for now since a slew of kids at my school have been sick in the last two weeks. Two were confirmed with strep throat, so we were dealing with that scare as well. My school is currently closed until April 3, most likely longer. It is mandated by the school district even though we are a private special ed school. The CDC is recommending schools close for eight weeks, eight weeks. We’re going to do whatever we can to keep the kids on track as much as possible, with online distance learning. It’s going to be a lot of trial and error on everyone’s parts. And we feel for the parents of these kids, many who attend the school because they need a lot of help with social communication.

Linda
I’m not too worried about supplies since I live within walking distance of a large grocery store. I went there at 5am to shop yesterday in order to avoid the onslaught of terrified people shoving anything and everything into their carts. I only ran into one of those couples. They bought two carts overflowing with everything, twice. Most other shoppers seemed methodical about their going about the store. They were preparing, obviously, but not losing it. I chatted with one shopper since we kept running into each other throughout the store. She works in an acute care facility. Her take was that the medical field needed to get all on the same page. Not all employees are following the new protocols put into place to protect the patients and the employees. We will get there, we will all get there.

Linda
I’m not a terribly social person as an introvert I’m more a fake it till you make it social person. I most often prefer the company of animals over humans because they are just plain nicer. But the very real prospect of having my cats be my only in person social interaction for potentially eight weeks, has turned what used to be a dream into a veritable nightmare. I’m foolishly empathetic to the point that feelings often overwhelmed me. I cannot help but worry about the older generation in their fear at being routinely singled out by this cold virus. I am concerned for my kids who are in the service industry, who cannot afford not to work. They’re being exposed out in public on a daily basis. I worry about those who are unemployed, in which the times, as they are right now, pretty much halt the job hunt. One can only hope that bill and loan collectors will be lenient in these times. There are people who literally are not allowed to work right now. And unemployment is not a living wage in these parts. I worry about my neighbor who is a radiologist for breast cancer patients, and his direct neighbor who is one of those patients. What about all other patients getting radiation, or other life extending treatments? Do they choose to stop getting radiation in order to kill the cancer, so that they don’t have to go to the hospital and expose themselves to potentially faster fates? There are reports of exposure to police, firefighters, EMTs, doctors, nurses, National Guard, they are all on the front line, putting their lives at risk for us daily. All of this goes through my head. Good luck everyone and be well.

Amanda
So, yeah, so I used to work 10 hour days, four days a week, I was doing home visits with low income moms and babies. Being an extrovert, it’s part of how I have organized my life very strategically, to be able to live with my introverted Capricorn wife, who prefers to never leave our quarter acre property. And now, all of a sudden, I’m self quarantining for two weeks in my travel trailer in the driveway. My daughter and I switched bathrooms, so I would be separate from them. I have one couch in the living room that’s like my little cootyville island. You see, my, my lovely introverted family are high risk. One has a history of childhood lung disease that left her with a permanent wheeze, and the other has autism and type one diabetes. So we cannot have this bug in our house. So I sleep in the trailer. I work from home and one of the outbuildings, and I’m on the phone all day with my clients. I don’t get to see any of the babies. I don’t get my baby fix. There’s no 14 month olds, you know, surprising me by crawling into my lap with a book and letting me smell her head. The kinds of things that usually make my day. I come in from phone calls all day, I get in earlier than I used to. And I sit on the couch, and I wait for my wife to serve me dinner on a plate that I washed and returned from the trailer, so that we don’t share dishes. If I want the curtain open or a glass of water or anything I have asked for it. It’s weird. But it’s completely worth it to stop the spread, and especially to protect them. I was raised for Armageddon by religious parents, and somehow I pictured it would be a more active time. But here I am, fighting the enemy by going almost nowhere, by limiting my trips to the store to every five to seven days, and then washing myself and everything I buy thoroughly, by not having any hugs or dog snuggles for over a week. So that’s me. Thanks for asking.

Gordon
Well, most people I know are off work right now, fearing for both their health and their jobs. Grocery workers are working all the time. In fact, I’ve been wanting to write something for days, but I haven’t had the time or energy. Seems important to document a little this to remember later. If there is a later. It’s nice to be officially considered an essential worker for once. I mean, I’ve always considered the big picture of what we do, bringing food to the people, essential. And I always knew that in the back of my mind, because I like reading history, that grocery workers have had a special place in times of turmoil and trouble: wars, disasters, general strikes, etc. People need to eat. One of the reasons I like working with food is because it’s such an essential need for everyone. But that has never been more clear than the last few weeks, when the reaction to COVID-19 has made our store busy and unprecedented ways. Three weeks ago, I was comparing it to Y2K. But we surpassed that a long time ago. Two weeks ago I was joking that this is all the work of, all the work of the food holidays with none of the fun. It was fun to say that at the time. This week after it was clear that a Shelter in Place order would be given, things amped up even more. I have no comparison for it at all. I’ve worked at this co-op for almost 26 years. With holidays it may be extra busy for a while, but there are breaks. As a buyer of cheese, a less perishable perishable, I’m used to a pattern of buying where you usually put on the brakes after a certain amount of days, because you can predict a slowdown. After two solid weeks of solid busy, all my experience tells me that it couldn’t keep going like this. Instead of breaking I have my foot jammed on the accelerator. On a micro level, level I still have to operate on my daily work and get itchy when I have less than three whole wheels of parmesan in stock. Right now everything we have is on the shelf, we’re doubling the amount of commodity blocks we cut at a time and still running low or out before we can replenish. Because of the nature of cheese and cold storage, we have less out of stocks and other departments. The nature of distribution these days is lean and efficient, which means more disruption in the supply chain right now, that may be different in other stores in other places. A large scale worker co-op is a special place, for sure. But I’m seeing people stock up and buy a lot, but not seeing hoarding. I’m seeing co-workers trying to figure out the safest ways to do things in an unknown environment. I’m also seeing us working way too much to try to meet demand. I’m seeing regular customers here on unusual days; there’s patterns disrupted. Mostly I’m seeing people be extra caring to each other, even if in fleeting and physically distant ways. I’m also watching people try to interact without the familiar touching or facial expressions, when people are trying to stay six feet apart, and half the folks I see are wearing some kind of mask.

Gordon
We’ve instituted measures that even a week ago I didn’t think we could implement. We’re only allowing a certain number of people in the store at a time, we have a line to get in where people are waiting six feet apart. We’ve shortened our hours, for a list of like 10 reasons. We’re trying to reserve 9:00 to 10:00 for seniors and most, and the most at-risk members of the community. We’re offering gloves to every customer. But we were making these things up as we go. Some won’t work out and may cause more hassle before we get them worked out. Everything right now is on a trial basis and a social experiment. There will be lines and the few things open will take longer. That’s our reality right now. We’ve come a long way in a short time. And let’s not kid ourselves. This is intense. There’s a frenetic energy because of the crowds and the multiple legitimate anxieties everyone, including those of us still working right now, are holding right now. We’re all pretty exhausted, essential, but exhausted.

Daria
When I realized I had reasons to, and decided I wanted, to live. I became a person who thrived on social engagement; in one sense, because it felt good to connect; in another, because it kept me out of my own head. Now I am back to needing to deal with what’s inside. There’s no escaping. There’s no putting it off. The small mercy is the fear of missing out, the abandonment trauma from years of being cast off by people, doesn’t apply when there’s nothing you’re missing, because everything is closed.

Juniper
What are my thoughts about COVID? That is a great question. I am in a daze right now, because I am awesomely underslept. And it is hard to believe that today is Friday, March 20. And that it’s only been about a week since things really started to get crazy here. I am a primary care provider in Portland, Oregon. I have a lot of patients who are obviously upset and scared. There’s a lot of non stop questions just in terms of what people are hearing on the internet, hearing from social media in general, and the news. I do have a tremendous amount of people who do have symptoms, which is interesting. And it’s interesting to see those numbers increase every day. I always take into consideration that everybody is hyper-aware of their symptoms right now; however, in general, my patients do report to me when they have a fever. And I’m having a lot more people reporting a fever and a cough, and shortness of breath. So it has been interesting to track people. Of course, we can’t test anybody, because tests are only available for those who are hospitalized, which means they are very, very sick and needing supplemental oxygen. So there’s no way to test these people, so they know and can actually truly quarantine themselves. I’ve persuaded most people who are symptomatic to do so. I know some people aren’t, that they’ll still go to the store, maybe wear a mask, but still going out.

Juniper
Yeah, so managing that. My own family is doing okay. My kids, it’s probably, even though it is alarming and watching the world kind of flip upside down right now, I think the hardest part for me is seeing how it’s impacting my kids. My stepson Ethan is a graduating high school senior who, it will be amazing if they have a graduation ceremony. You know, perhaps they will some point in the summer, maybe even early fall. He’s supposed to start UofO in the fall. We don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like at this point. My daughter, who’s 23, is supposed to graduate from her undergrad at PSU this spring. Obviously, she also is not gonna have a walking ceremony. We don’t know when or if that will ever happen. My middle son Miles who’s 19 and a freshman at PSU is a music major. He’s in the audition choir. They are supposed to go to New Zealand this summer to audition in the international competition. Of course that is cancelled. Anybody who’s in the performance arts right now is pretty much screwed. And that’s tragic and breaks my heart. My husband, Joel is an actor and director up here. He, thankfully, also works for a nonprofit, and so is working from home still, but he is watching all of his peers in the theater world be completely out of work and have no recourse. And it is terrifying to think of all the tiny theater groups up here, whether or not they will survive this and how it will be possible for them to survive this.

Juniper
So then, with North, my youngest, who’s 13. It’s a little bit interesting with him. He has had really bad anxiety since he was born. And in the last nine months, he’s gotten some really bad online bullying that happened. So he, since January, has had some really intense mental health stuff going on. And I already have been spending extra time with him. He has a therapist also, he does all this own great work, and he’s actually amazing in his own insights for a 13 year old. But anyway, so here’s a kid who has crazy anxiety, some of which is health anxiety. And it’s interesting. I feel like people with high anxiety, when moments like this happen, it’s almost soothing in a way, if that makes any sense. Like, Oh, look, I was right to be worried about everything because bad things do happen. And there’s a little bit of that with him. You know, he’s like, Well, here we go. So, on the surface, he seems to be doing alright, he’s happy because everybody’s home. And that is nice for him. He’s definitely having trouble with me not being as available as I have been the last few months for him. The last 10 days especially I’ve been working a lot. And you know, been gone a good 10 to 12 hours a day, or when I am home and needing to respond to messages from patients, answering questions. And that’s definitely beginning to affect him. He’s been upset that I’m gone. So I’m needing to watch that. And that’s just another thing I’m having to balance, haha.

Juniper
What I am doing to manage my anxiety haha, I’m laughing right now, because this is gonna sound however it sounds. So I have been a long time addict of the study of explorations and the people who have explored unknown territories. People who have journeyed to places and pushed their limits ever since I was a little girl. I’ve been fascinated in that literature. So I have read a tremendous amount of that literature. And during this time, I really, really, really have thought back to all of those stories. And the hardships I know people have endured. And it’s given me a lot of strength, knowing and reminding myself what humans are capable of, and what it means to be a leader and the people who were successful in those sorts of hardships. What they told themselves every day, and the real importance of presenting a strong front to those who are under your care, and how it is, it is vitally important to not let the stress and anxiety break you. We’ll see how that pans out, haha, since it’s only been about a week and a half, haha.

Juniper
But thinking back to that is helpful, and, and I do, then also really, you know, things that I focus on knowing those stories, is really trying to make sure I get at least six hours of sleep, which is not enough. But at least six hours, and staying good about eating healthy, taking care of myself in terms of exposure, trying to, every day, put everything aside and not think about this virus and other things I should be doing. It’s hard, because I am a helper, and I feel guilty when I’m not helping right now. But I do know that I can’t keep helping if I am not my best self. Forcing myself to go outside, nature is particularly helpful to me, just reminding myself that nature is just doing its thing as it keeps on doing, and those cycles are still there, and the flowers are still blooming, and the birds are still traveling north to do their migration and lay their eggs up in the Arctic. All of those things are still happening, and that brings me back to the present which is helpful. Being with my kids, and just, and, and being strong for them, and getting them to laugh and feel like it’s all okay and trying to assure them that, you know, this is scary stuff, but we can also look at it as an adventure. You know, we’ve been getting the house ready and stocking food and stuff. And we’ve been joking that, you know, we’re kind of like setting our ship ready to go on a big voyage across the ocean, or go on a trip (to) outer space and everything we would need to prepare for that and, and be able to live with each other in close company, for that amount of time. That’s also helpful to me. I do intend to try to start doing a little meditation. We’ll see, again, how that works out. I need to also make sure I get like a walk every day and things like that. Yesterday was particularly hard, I had a lot of people crying and scared and reading worrisome information coming in from colleagues overseas. That was a tough day, and I had to, I actually had to leave the house after dinner, and just drive for a while, because the roads are all empty now and empty my mind. It’s, it’s a crazy time and it’s really interesting to see how everybody’s coping. Yeah, we’ll see what happens.

Suzie Sherman
You just heard from, in reverse order, Juniper, a doctor in Portland, Daria, reflecting on forced introspection in Providence, Gordon, a grocery worker in San Francisco, Amanda, living in exile in her own home in Graton, Linda on family and grocery store battles in Campbell, and Samaki on needing a certificate to walk the dog in Schiltigheim, France. The reflections I read for you at the top of the show were from Rian, jobless in Seattle, Sam, on kids’ sacrifices in Jersey, Molly, in Berkeley, on kids’ disappointment and the uncertain prospect of nursing, Rachel in Modesto on fascism in the time of plague, Kate on managing risk factors and working with children in Boston, Jen on a busted knee in Oakland and Lyn on trauma response and cherishing time with her kid in Berkeley.

Suzie Sherman
Gordon adapted his piece from his blog series “Diary of an ‘Essential Worker.'” You can find it at gordonzola.net. He’s also the author of two really great books. Cheesemonger: A Life on the Wedge, and Cheddar: A Journey to the Heart of America’s Most Iconic Cheese. Check him out. Thanks to everyone who sent in reflections and everyone out there listening. There’s a lot more ground to cover on how COVID-19 is gonna be affecting all of us. If you want to share some of your thoughts and feelings. Open up your voice memo app in your phone, record a short voice message, and email it to nextthingpod@gmail.com.

Suzie Sherman
Communities I’m really worried about right now are incarcerated folks and immigrants living in the unconscionable camps at our borders. Prison Policy Institute and Last Prisoner Project are two organizations responding to the COVID-19 crisis threatening incarcerated people. RAICES is a great organization working on a response for immigrant and refugee communities. I’ll link those organizations in the show notes. I’ve punted my next full length episode to get this one released. So keep a lookout for my conversation with Notable Feminist Theorist Julia Serano in your feeds really soon.

Suzie Sherman
We are And The Next Thing You Know. Find us at nextthingpodcast.com We’re also on Facebook, Gmail and Patreon at nextthingpod. And I’m at soozenextthing on Twitter. The banana peel is by Max Ronnersjö. And we didn’t hear the theme song today. But as always that song and our interstitial music is by Jon Schwartz. Wash your hands and stay the fuck home if you can. Thanks everybody. We’ll talk soon. Unless I’m brawling with someone at a well known natural foods grocery chain over the last six pack of recycled toilet paper.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai, edited by me.